Tantra Unveiled through the Feminine
Tantra is a complete spiritual path that culminates in liberation and transcendence of all that limits us as human beings. Tantra is the existence of manifest creation itself. To be able to hold our personal energy and at the same time to blend totally with another field of consciousness and energy knowing that all is One, this is tantra. This becomes a dance between the form and formless, and we could not exist without it. Yet seldom is this magic used in a conscious way. The tantric path is for those people wanting to achieve liberation from the wheel of unconscious death and rebirth in one lifetime. It is at times a seemingly unspiritual way of approaching the spiritual path, because its very nature defies all that wishes to contract our existence within unenlightened social consciousness and religious contractions. Tantra is beyond classification and division, i.e., this tantra that tantra, yet we create a playground of it through classification and division.
It is an advanced yoga within the Indian system and as such is treated with the respect that all spiritual paths deserve. However it is not a beginning yoga that anyone can start his or her journey on, such as hatha yoga, bhakti yoga, raj yoga, gyan yoga or karma yoga. All beginning yogas create the clarity and strength of foundation for a person to then leap into tantra if their providence permits this. The various yogic paths have their wisdoms and suit different people at different times in their evolution.
Most of us can and do start our spiritual path with enquiry into religious scriptures and reading inspirational autobiographies written by practitioners. The study of religious texts is known as gyan yoga. It is from reading and or listening to teachers of practice lineages that a person begins to believe in universal laws and the benefits of actively changing their life and consciousness.
Beginning yogas have a series of gradual and progressive techniques and understandings that assist us through levels of awakening to who we truly are, how to be more healthy and happy, and understanding the preciousness and vastness of life. Hatha yoga, for instance, is based on techniques that unite body, mind and breath and is probably the most widely practiced yoga in the West. Many teachers have brought forth various approaches to this style of yoga, such as Iyengar yoga, Ashtanga yoga or Kripalu yoga, which are still within the hatha yoga system. Hatha yoga was originally developed as a beginning yoga to assist people to develop a strong and healthy body. It is not a complete path, rather it is a springboard in which the body is prepared for more advanced practices. Then a person is able to go further on the spiritual path by means of more advanced techniques, such as Kriya yoga, Kundalini yoga and long sitting practices where the body and mind must be first healthy, united and at peace.
If you truly want liberation in this lifetime, it is wise to expand through the various yogic paths. By gaining personal experience regarding the depth of the spiritual process, you can more honestly know how far you want to go in this lifetime. In this way you will better understand if tantra is a viable path for you.
Tantra, because of its deeply personal and revealing nature, is a subject that is not written about generally from the perspective of direct experience. It is also true to say that it has remained out of the knowledge of the masses, and that only a few in this culture are truly prepared to embrace tantra (in its advanced aspects) at this time. Much of the tantric teachings within the Indian, Taoist, and Buddhist systems are taught through word of mouth by teachers as their students become ready. Non-verbal transmission also becomes more important and viable as a practitioner advances. This is the way many wisdoms are kept sacred.
Most texts on tantra are written by men, who prefer to write about techniques and principles. Men also keep their personal experiences more secretive than women and consequently write from a theoretical perspective rather than from direct experience.
Most texts on tantra are written by men, who prefer to write about techniques and principles. Men also keep their personal experiences more secretive than women and consequently write from a theoretical perspective rather than from direct experience. It is therefore difficult to really understand how to approach tantra, for it still remains mysterious. As with the majority of spiritual paths there is a priestly undercurrent of control and hierarchy, which is not to the benefit of women, or men in the long run. For anyone considering the path of tantra finding a qualified and experienced teacher is an essential ingredient and key to success.
I believe that because tantra is beginning to gain attention within our culture there exists a great need for more qualified teachers, especially females, to bring tantra into a greater and clearer light. As for myself, I was consumed quickly by the powerfully transformational Love of my tantric master. Theory never played a part. Principles were something I intuitively developed over many years of experience and only recently, having begun reading some tantric writings, can I correlate my formed principles and experiences with these writings. It does, however, take many years of experience for the tantric path to be fully understood. As long as people look for answers through debate and books, tantra will remain a mystery.
Tantric yoga has definite prerequisites. Preliminary practices need to be mastered first and the practitioner must be free of, or willing to let go of, continued karmic participation of an obstructive nature. It is also known as the fast and dangerous path because it is easy for a practitioner to become a monster. It is perhaps because of this very reason that numerous teachers of other forms tend to discount tantra as being a viable path.
One’s approach to tantra cannot be confused, sloppy or random. It requires clarity, pure mindfulness, refinement and an equal force between self reliance and reliance upon the body of ascended masters.
The Tibetan Buddhists, who have the most available writings on tantra and a mature understanding regarding this path, call tantra the Diamond (indestructible) vehicle or the Vajrayana path. This comes from their emphasis of the fact that a tantrika (one who practices tantra) is acutely prepared for this step, understands the need to overcome dualistic thinking and understands the intrinsic perfection of all beingness. Additionally the tantrika is trained to develop pure vision. This means that the practitioner is able to see from the level of soul beyond the illusion of impermanence or maya. The Buddhists say and I concur, that one’s approach to tantra cannot be confused, sloppy or random. It requires clarity, pure mindfulness, refinement and an equal force between self reliance and reliance upon the body of ascended masters or wisdom deities1. There is no question in tantra that one desires to go the full distance and thus resistance to the powerful momentum of this path, as one develops, is evaporated or skillfully transformed.
Tantra, because it is an advanced yoga, differs from most other yogic paths, which are able to accept anyone with any amount of neuroses or karma (completions). The beginning yogas move people slowly along the spiritual path and do not always require a change in lifestyle. In bhakti yoga, for instance, the devotee worships an idolized form of god, which may even be their living teacher, but the devotee can never become a god. The devotee is asked to be pure of heart, compassionate in their actions and read the appropriate scriptures. The devotee is not required to address the deeper issues of how we become divine and eternal, nor is there emphasis on becoming free of karmic cellular memory, or how one makes a material living without being caught up in karmic participation. This framework gives freedom to a minimal level and is therefore limited in its outcome.
“Tantra, although recognizing a gradual approach, is in contrast to the normal course of evolution, very speedy. Alternatively, Zen is a very focused meditative practice, which despite years of practice, prefers to recognize the instantaneous nature of enlightenment or view. This is a way of blending penetration, transparency and recognition.”2 One sits upright and does not let the mind wander. One does not explore emotions nor indulges in inner visions, but one does learn to connect to their breath and body. This discipline builds strength of character in certain ways. Yet, because of its lack of integration with the emotions and passion, and its somewhat hit or miss approach to enlightenment, many of its practitioners will become contracted and will drown in limitation.
Zen is one of a number of valuable paths of meditative unfoldment, quite advanced in its potential, yet because of the lack of emphasis with integrating emotion and passion as an aspect of enlightened activity, this eventually results in many of its practitioners becoming stuck rather than continuing forwards.
This is not the case of tantra that says you must be ready to do it all; no rock is left unturned, and nothing is unacceptable in our personal practice as long as it serves the individuals spiritual progress. If, however, we loose our balance and purity, a monster may be the result. By remaining in close physical proximity to one’s teacher, this will be checked, but when one is on their own, or declares oneself a law unto oneself, this powerful momentum and total freedom of personal power often corrupts.
Tantra, therefore can only be entered into by a mature practitioner who is secure in their own inner awareness, and who has burnt off gross karmas, including all the neurotic emotions that support the illusion of separate existence. To have achieved this level of realization one is established in the emptiness and able to hold a non-dualistic view of creation.
A person with a dualistic mind prays to something separate to and outside of their self for help and views the world from a “them and us” perspective. In non-dualism we are empowered by being self-responsible, a co-creator in this universe, and thus able to flow with life’s circumstances, and no matter how difficult things may appear, we know them to be of the perfection and they are always workable and accepted as opportunities, even blessings.
In a dualistic mind with its limitations there is always rigidity. Life is great as long as it is going a certain way, but struggle arises frequently as the impermanence of nature arises, and change becomes an obstacle rather than an opportunity. In duality the mind can never truly be at peace in the emptiness, for its very nature is grasping and often obsessed by the ego’s petty agendas, even be it building a million-dollar empire. When the empire collapses its builder is devastated because something went wrong.
In non-dualism the mind is free to explore the vast emptiness and one no longer clings to people and things of an impermanent nature. We know ourselves as one with the power of creation, and we have the inner strength and wisdom that no longer looks at the source of our problems, or salvation, as an external force.
To enter into Tantra, a tantrika must have experienced the oneness and be comfortable in the emptiness. “This is first experienced by going deep into our core, where there is only the radiance of subtle mind. This is enlightenment and from here we gradually loosen our mind so as to perceive everything in this transparent way. Nothing exists as a solid object; rather it is all radiance that spontaneously and eternally emanates out of this indescribable, ever-present, blissful nothingness. The effort of being has disappeared. Emptiness and Oneness are interchangeable terms in the enlightened view.”3
Here there is no ground to stand upon that guarantees security, because tantra is not held together by mental concepts, of which the word “secure” is one. In the emptiness there is no goal and this wisdom is sustained through manifested creation. The mind, as it is normally referred to, is transcended, yet there is still perception and communication through the light which is not void - rather it exists of radiant alive consciousness. One moves upon the vast ocean of permanent impermanence.
The bliss is tantric awareness, which requires pure vision or overcoming illusory ordinary appearances. Ordinarily we see only what we believe to be true. At a young age many beliefs of our parents and adults at large are passed onto us whether we ask for them or not. A comprehensive mental framework is already established by the young age of seven years, and thereafter it is no longer usual for young children to remain innocently in their own world and form ideas in their own timing. Our personal karmas also veil pure vision. Thus we are conditioned in our thinking and seeing from the beginning. This conditioned seeing is often held to maintain the structure of our society and minimize disruptions in daily life, such as parents not wanting to be bothered with or not feeling able to deal their children’s pain. Whilst it appears essential that children fit into the perimeters of our society, this molding of us does not allow full freedom of individual evolvement.
Multi-dimensional awareness and seeing in sensitive and refined souls is shut down at a young age. Telepathy and clairvoyance is not yet accepted as normal and encouraged to be developed and enhanced, as the majority of human beings have not maintained this spiritually advanced, inner visionary guidance and understandings. We too often pass these things off as not that relevant to everyday physical existence, because soul awareness is shut off.
Quietness of mind and spirit is replaced by constant activity and thus humans have become disconnected from whence they came. The soul disconnects from everyday clutter and the belief in separate existence occurs. How many of us have remained connected to the non-verbal voice of the wind, sun, stars, animals, trees, and other life forms? As we shrink in the expansiveness of our consciousness so does the purity of our vision.
This is why we must embrace a spiritual path filled with skillful means and understandings to once more regain pure vision to become enlightened and liberated from the illusion of separation and death. With pure vision we are once again able to see multi-dimensionally and function from our soul. Our soul energy is also known as our “I AM Presence” from the ascended master tradition, or our Sambhogakaya body from the Buddhist tradition. When we have regained pure vision we are able to see the beloved ascended masters, who are called the wisdom deities in Tibetan Buddhism. We are also able to see the cause of karma and samsara. The light behind pure vision is called “ati.” Ati is the light of creation, which is seen and known only by our buddhic nature, not by our ordinary mind or vision. Ati is the clear light beyond form, perceived from formlessness; our formlessness is where we reside as Oneness.
To make the quantum leap from ordinary vision to pure vision, from separation to oneness, one must do certain purification practices and receive the transmission of a teacher. One can no longer chart the spiritual path alone as one can in the preliminary yogas. Transmission is the passing of enlightened energy from one being to another, and there must be the openness to receive. Without the deep surrender (letting go) of the ordinary dualistic mind there cannot be receptivity. A student is defined as the one who is receptive and the teacher is the one who holds the enlightened experience. When the student is prepared transmission occurs in a number of ways, and much of this is grace. As the dance of purifying and transmission continues, so does pure vision become stronger. As the tantrika progresses, the transmissions occur more frequently from the inner and only with this pure vision can one receive transmission from the beloved ascended masters, or wisdom deities.
Virochana (my twin ray) and I have received countless transmissions from the ascended masters since coming together in 1987. One of the many things that these transmissions have taught us is that the tantric path can be navigated by a twin ray couple, provided they have passed through the preliminary stages and are committed to further practice. If twin ray energy can stay together they are each other’s greatest teachers. Over the past eleven years we have been shown approximately a dozen twin ray couples, yet only one of these couples are able to stay together at this time. The intensity of this relationship requires each person to be strongly active on the spiritual path and to clear many karmic patterns.
Our personal experiences as a twin ray couple has brought a new light into understanding the workings of tantra and the infinite oneness. Tantra as a path cannot be contained within the definition of one particular approach. It is beyond the control of man-made dharmas (religions) and hierarchies. Tantra eludes contraction and needs no outer form to secure its existence in creation, as it is truly the path of mystics and warriors. Tantra has been held in the realms of secret teachings for thousands of years and it is not always given the name tantra. For eons tantra has existed and been held as an inner teaching by the ascended masters (wisdom deities) who continue to keep the path dynamic as humanity evolves.
The tantric lineage is our lineage and the ascended masters our eternal teachers and family. Due to past life yogic practices, I was from childhood blessed with strong inner protection and guidance. It was therefore natural and ordained that my first master be an accomplished Tantrika, and that surrender was never an issue for me.
As one becomes established in tantra, transmission becomes more and more the normal, through conscious communion with the wisdom deities. The tantrika overcomes separative existence and merges into the body of the One. The One is our eternal pure being. All else is known as the passing show.
by Shantara Khalsa January, 2016
Editor’s Note: Shantara Khalsa is a Tantrika and Yogini who heard the call of Great Mother while growing up in her native New Zealand, and was called to India on numerous occasions to train and live with several highly developed masters. She has been teaching and practicing for forty-five years and currently divides her time between the Crestone mountains of Colorado, the island of Maui, and New Zealand. She shares her rich insights and a body of wisdom that could only come from walking the warrior's path and tasting the fruits of lifelong practice.
MY INITIATION INTO THE TANTRIC PATH
Tantra is my life path in the sense that I embraced its qualities quite innocently in the most natural way. From a young age it was obvious that I was destined for the unknown. I did not carry the beliefs of most others and was at home in my own inner world. This did not mean that I was withdrawn or shy. On the contrary I was very involved in dance, athletic sports, gymnastics and enjoyed the beauty of outdoors. It was easy for me to communicate with most people but from inside I felt different than how I felt most others. Being very sensitive to thoughts of others and able to feel their feelings, I generally preferred to remain happily in my own company. This deep sensitivity and inner completeness were the sanskaras, or carry over from my previous lifetime as a yogini. These sanskaras are an all-important determining factor that moves each of us in different directions with our varying strengths and weaknesses.
At around 14 years of age I had a full-bodied visitation from the Ascended master Meru who answered the inner question I had as to why I was with my particular family. He appeared during the day in the corner of the room, where I was alone, and introduced himself as my true father. This master is also known as the wisdom deity Garab Dorje in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition and was one of my inner teachers who had charge of my life and whom were silently guiding me.
By twenty-five years of age I was ready to meet my first living teacher. I had left the ideas of any worldly career and had no material ambitions to fulfil. I was living a simple reclusive life in the bush of New Zealand, was vegetarian, and daily practiced hatha yoga, self-taught meditation and contemplation. I also had a beautiful one-year-old son who was the joy of my life. During my pregnancy I had received a powerful visitation from the ascended master Koothumi who gave me prophecy concerning my son’s birth and destiny, and he inspired me to continue my spiritual journey. During this time, another living teacher came in my dreams and told me “I knew what I had to do.”
After reading “Autobiography of a Yogi” whilst pregnant I realized Mahavatar BabaJi as my root Guru and it was to him that I directed my prayer for a living master. Instinctively I knew a living master would be my salvation and was essential for my enlightenment. This is confirmed in many scriptures and finding one’s true teacher is seen as the beginning of the path of no return. Without this full-hearted yearning and eventual blessing of an enlightened teacher, one does not receive the transmissions of lineage to enable them to overcome ignorance. There are many who try to do the spiritual path without the physical teacher these days, but who will not achieve liberation.
When my son was almost one-year-old I was inwardly directed to go to a hatha yoga ashram in the city. So without any agenda my son and I went. Here I gardened, helped to prepare meals, took my son to play-center, and enjoyed the time with approximately six others and an elderly yoga teacher who owned the large home and two acres. Approximately two months later a sannyasin from India arrived. This sannyasin’s tantric master, who lived in a remote region of northern India, had inwardly become aware of me and sent him to New Zealand to find me. The sannyasin was on a mission to establish Bhakti yoga of Krishna. He showed me a photo of the master, whom he called a bhakti master and I knew this teacher to be my next step. What I had not anticipated or even considered is that I would go alone and have to give up my son for some time. When the swami said “you will have to come to India without your son,” I was devastated. As a solo mother I had to have extra strength to be able to look after both of us, he was in many ways my reason to find great joy in every day and I did not wish to be without him even for a few hours.
…. This was my first taste of the sacrifices that I would continue to have to make on this spiritual journey that was much bigger than the individual me. I had to find that place inside that took me beyond the boundaries that had defined me previously as Sandra (my birth name.) Welcome to Tantra - this is what I meant when saying that I innocently found tantra. It is more true to say that tantra found me. The ego self died as I realized the decision had already been made by me as soul. There was no compromise of the highest choice from then on and this was the first of many deaths to pass through on my journey to liberation.
We need to see all the things that we hold on to are in fact based on impermanence, such as attachment to form, fear, doubt, anger, pride, jealousy etc.; all these are manifestations of conditioned mind, limited seeing and the illusion. The sacrifices that are needed and the disciplines that are embraced, determine tantra to be a path for few. After a few months of agonizing knowingness that I was to leave my son, some true friends of mine decided they would become legally married to feel qualified as a couple that could care for my son. They came to the city to ask if this would be okay with me. This was the grace that six months later allowed the parting of my son, now two years of age, and me to occur. He stayed in the community where we had previously been together. I was comforted by the fact that it was a place of great natural beauty abundant with the peace and blessings of nature.
India in its totality was and still is for me a completely sacred experience. I doubt that many have this immediate transformation upon entering India, yet in India I am home in a unique way. India has been held under a blessing presence of all the enlightened yogis who have appeared on this continent for thousands of years and it is where I have lived sacredly in many lifetimes. I experienced this feeling of sacredness from almost every person that I encountered there, even those materially impoverished were spiritually rich carrying a deep inner peace that comes from a love of and surrender to life as it is.
In this sacred environment I spontaneously went into deep surrender and “no mind.” I became deeply silent desiring only divine vision, and the ability to receive and embody radiance of the illumined eternalness.
I arrived at the master’s ashram in the late afternoon in a bullock drawn cart that was the only transportation from the train station approximately four miles away. My train journey from Delhi had already put me into culture shock though I did not realize for a few years that culture shock was an actual condition. The master came out from the very large compound that could accommodate a few hundred devotees to greet me personally. It was an instantaneous recognition on both our sides that I had come home. In his own language he directed some lady devotees to give me a small room of my own at the back of the hall where he gave satsang daily during several months of the year. Set a few hundred yards away from the hall was the main house where the master’s family lived.
The master had inherited a large estate and had many acres, which produced crops, grown by local villagers who leased land from him. He held an important position in the district and was obviously revered by many for a number of reasons. His spiritual stature was overwhelmingly obvious, and both his inner and outer beauty stopped people in their tracks. He stood much taller than most Indians and I saw the influence of many cultures in his features. He appeared timeless and ageless, and there were many times that, as I watched him walking, I was certain that his feet did not touch the ground. All was in divine order here and I was in heaven. Skeptics and analytical philosophers could not undermine this grand Lila. Here I met Krishna with his lovers, friends and devotees in this eternal kingdom.
Within twenty-four hours of being in my teacher’s presence I was in a high fever that lasted several weeks. With only one or two devotees who spoke English I was silent most of the time and learned the tremendous value of this. In no way did this silence diminish the feelings of closeness with everyone there and I received an abundance of loving care when I was too weak to look after myself. I was fed and bathed, and the master’s daughters would brush my long hair and braid it daily. It was a blessing to surrender to all of this, and humbling also.
From the day I arrived my master drew me into his intimate radiance. He could make my fever rise and lower by the intensity of his attention towards me, all of which was on a non-verbal level. This force of love blissfully immobilized me. There were no questions within me; instinctively I knew my entire karmic residue was being purified in the fire of kundalini and I only knew love. Everyone was a participant in this divine play (Lila) of unspeakable occurrences. As I became purified of all my conditioning and unenlightened activities in this lifetime, I became absorbed in ecstasy and barely able to speak.
My master gave me the name Braj Gauri, which translated into English means fair skin maiden of Braj (the abode of Krishna). This was a great honor as numerous devotees had been waiting for twenty or so years to receive a spiritual name from him. I had nothing to do except give up my individuality based on ordinary appearances. Thus I overcame ordinary appearances and was given divine pure vision. I saw only One supreme light in all manifestations, and all served the divine will and purpose. This transcendence is the sign of an accomplished practitioner, yet I was simply a lover of the eternal beloved. Now many years later I see the exceptional gift of grace that I was given. It is rare for one to have such an intense uninterrupted kundalini awakening, which in my case lasted nine months. It often requires years of practice to overcome ordinary appearances and stabilize oneself in divine awareness.
In the ashram I was always treated with loving respect. One day I decided to sit and meditate some few hundred feet from the compound and a devotee kindly advised me not to go out as snakes were common. I went anyway, not having ever feared snakes (in New Zealand there are no poisonous animals or insects.) I sat in blissful repose for maybe thirty minutes and when I opened my eyes there were two cobras circling around me. It was a great honor for me to see them, one lifted its head opened its hood and looked directly at me for what seemed an eternity. The cobras left in their own time after I had received their blessing power. When I later told someone about it they were scared for me, yet I know fear is my enemy, not God’s creatures.
When I was able to eat again and had regained my strength, the master took me as his tantric consort. We became lovers in the most magical way. One of his closest students would take me into a room in the house, which was always prepared with flowers and incense. All our time together was silent and transmissions occurred heart to heart, mind-to-mind. My teacher showed me that I was a divine being with a divine destiny, not at all what we are normally allowed to think about ourselves. He showed me the reality of our existence and the enlightened state without words. This revelation of love existed side by side the pain that surfaced because I had left my son. I accepted all that I had to go through, and my teacher directed me to be alone when crying.
My practice was twenty-four hours a day because I was living with my teacher and his family. His wife would come into the room after we had made love and would wash the master’s feet and put garlands of flowers around both our necks. I experienced each moment vividly as I became transformed in the company of love. There was nowhere to hide anything. There was no sign of neurosis or struggle within this family, which seemed to have no boundaries. This showed me that no person with doubt or an analytical mind could remain in an enlightened environment and be happy. What I wish to emphasize here is that the tantric experience includes everything. It is a path of self-imposed self-aware intense disciplines for total liberation. The sexual intimacy that I experienced intensified the stages of discipline and transformation; there can be no personal agenda in such a practice. I never gossiped with anyone about my time with the master, it was far beyond words, and we had his wife’s blessings.
Inside the satsang hall our teacher would daily play Indian ragas and chants on the harmonium, drums and flute. He was gifted musically and also had a beautiful singing voice. At these times he was in a state of ecstasy and many of the devotees would be in trance-like states. This was a remarkable event to be part of and it maintained the sacredness throughout every day. People came and stayed for weeks at a time to receive the blessings and be near their teacher. They were renewed yearly in this way.
One afternoon when a small group of us were sitting with our master listening to him sing and singing along, he pushed the harmonium in front of me and gestured for me to play and sing alone. I was certain that I could not sing very well yet when I completely opened my heart I really could sing. It felt as though he had put his voice inside me and blessed me to sing. From that day on I sang almost daily for two years with a harmonium that I purchased. Singing became one of my great joys and I am grateful to this day for that inspiration that my teacher imparted. Most certainly it was this atmosphere of pure devotion that permitted the master to demonstrate tantra in such a total way on so many levels. He outwardly presented himself as a Bhakti master, yet was obviously a very advanced adept of Tantra, which he maintained as sacred transmission. The atmosphere of sacredness is all-important for any advanced practitioner/teacher to give and receive transmission. All the devotees understood and honored this atmosphere.
I had to go to India to find such a setting where tantra was alive and I was reborn into my life’s path. I knew that I would have to leave India and bring forth my own beloved. It was very difficult for me to leave my new home, and knowing I would be unable to share this experience with anyone made it more difficult. Remember that I did not even know the word tantra consciously, yet from my soul’s knowingness I understood that the manifestation of the beloved was my path.
Life times of yogic preparation had brought me to India and into such a total experience at a relatively young age. Due to the readiness of my soul I let go of everything to embrace tantra and receive extraordinary teachings. This is why tantra is only for a few. Who would want to jump into the abyss so quickly?
Every aspect of my life was measured against this initial nine-month transformation. From then on my life as a tantric yogini was intense, mystical, blessed and very tough! For the next twelve years I was moved dramatically and constantly, staying no longer than a year in each place, some of the time being a mother and sometimes not. My son continued to move in and out of my life according to higher law. He has his own powerful destiny and completion’s just as I had my completion’s and further teachings. For further growth I took on additional daily yoga practices including dynamic movements and internal practice of kriya yoga. These practices were my lifeline to the divine and essential for continuous integration of spiritual knowledge. They also enable the demanding path of tantra, the path of no escape that embraces every aspect of life, to flow and evolve gracefully.
My initial tantric initiation took me to a place where I was far removed from the everyday dramas of other people. My goal in life to be liberated from the wheel of birth and death set me on a very alone journey to self-mastery. This has been for me one of the greatest blessings of the tantric path. My beloved and I say now to others when they speak of difficulties with aloneness, that aloneness is “all-one” without the extra “L” which stands for Love. We grow to learn to be happy with whatever is going on for us. To be free we must also be happy in our solitude to do real retreat so that we can embrace the emptiness with joy, then we can participate with others in joy of our destined service.